


Alone

by OnlyJustLost



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alone, Angst, Got a bit dark, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Teaser AU, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, meanie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 06:29:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10916220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlyJustLost/pseuds/OnlyJustLost
Summary: “I wasn't supposed to let you die.” The taller one spoke first, his voice solemn and empty, no longer that same gleeful laugh it had once been.“I wasn't supposed to let you see me die.” The other man replied, his voice tepid and distant verging on apologetic....





	Alone

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm officially obsessed with the teasers and have watched them about 50,000 times! (Jeonghan's hair tho!) 
> 
> Pledis were practically asking for someone to write a meanie fanfic so here it is! It's a bit dark and a bit sad but I hope you like it anyway!

Teasing the coastline the sea lunged languidly onto the beach before retreating back again. The air was thickly coated in brine as the smell swelled with the early afternoon heat. Beyond the shore was a house perching on the cliff side giving a scenic view of the sea, sand and sun. Yet inside the house it was cold and quiet. There was nothing pleasant about the catalogue captured furniture or directory decided décor. Instead it homed a quality of falsity, a lie just waiting to be exposed and in amongst it’s lie there were two boys.

“I wasn't supposed to let you die.” The taller one spoke first, his voice solemn and empty, no longer that same gleeful laugh it had once been.

“I wasn't supposed to let you see me die.” The other man replied, his voice tepid and distant verging on apologetic. He was sat by the window that was swung open as far as its hinges would allow, breathing evenly as the light washed over his face.

“Then why did you do it?” Mingyu asked as he sat at a table, watching Wonwoo by the sill, his hands fiddling with an apple he hadn't even noticed appear in his hands. That seemed to happen a lot in this place.

“You know why.” The answer came with a hint of exasperation as the elder’s eyes opened, a severity to his gaze. Mingyu pondered those words, wondering if he really had know, had always known, and just ignored the signs. Because now that he thought about it, really thought, he knew Wonwoo was right. He did know. But how could he admit that now? Biding his time he took a bite of the apple and placed it purposefully next to the one Wonwoo had left on the table.

“You were getting better though.” Mingyu eventually said, practically whispered. In this strange unchartered place pain and death were not concepts that existed. Even though he couldn't feel pain directly his chest ached nonetheless.

“No.” Wonwoo sighed as he looked over towards the younger boy. “I was just getting better at hiding it.”

Silence commanded submission as the two let it wash over them, tension clinging almost tangibly between them. Mingyu had seen Wonwoo’s face thousands of times before in all its various forms of maturity. He'd watched him grow into his features from the straight nose, to the full lips, intense eyes and strong bone structure. He'd grown with him, physically and emotionally.

Mingyu had seen every facial expression, every look of anger or joy, every single smile or laugh, every tear. The complicated boy was etched into his memories with every fibre that made him him marked, like a trail of breadcrumbs in a labyrinth, in his mind. Yet despite the infinite versions of Wonwoo all he could see when he looked at him now was that lifeless, rigid, stone cold, unmoving, pale body. It ached inside him.

“Another chapter of my life began since…since I met you.” Wonwoo looked at him with glistening eyes. As in life, Wonwoo possessed a certain patient quality letting Mingyu finish before he spoke. Even when Mingyu didn't realise he wasn't finished, the elder would wait for him. “Before you I mean, I was so alone. It was like my story was just writing itself and I had no control.”

Mingyu didn't know how to continue as a hot tingling sensation prickled numbly in his nose and a lump formed in his throat. Blinking rapidly he looked away breaking the eye contact he hadn't realised they were holding. His eyes fell on two identical clocks hung next to each other on the walls permanently stuck at two o’clock. The time Wonwoo had died. He swallowed and continued, not looking at the other this time.

“I didn't want you to mean that much to me but you did.” He inhaled shakily. “I had this whole system of doing things, of getting through life. But you broke that. It was no longer about just me surviving anymore. It was about…about…” Cracking slightly, Mingyu’s voice strained stopping him from finishing his sentence.

“About Us. Us in a different system. Surviving together.” Wonwoo spoke. Slowly he stood up moving cautiously like one might in the face of a tiger. No sudden movements, until he was across from Mingyu, the table still between them.

“Why wasn't I enough?” Mingyu’s words were ghost like. Barely formed at all they were spoken with a hollow and desperate tone. It was quiet and the house waited much like him, with baited breath.

“That's not fair. You know it wasn't you.” Wonwoo said almost defiantly despite his calm expression. He moved to get closer but this made the younger boy flinch. Apparently they were both as surprised as each other at that. “Gyu, I tried. I’d try watching the television or reading or listening to music but it didn't work. If you weren't with me, I couldn't pretend anymore. I'd just sit there thinking about all the reasons I couldn't do it anymore.”

“You should've told me. If you had told me I could've stayed with you.” Mingyu uttered getting to his feet which were bare, much like Wonwoo’s, touching the cool wood-panelled floor.

“Not forever.”

“Yes, forever! If that's what you needed. Forever.” Mingyu yelled abruptly. In such a whimsical space the volume seemed misplaced. It was heat and flavour in an environment of neutrality and blandness. Wonwoo looked sad but unsurprised.

“I couldn't let you do that. You would end up resenting me.”

“That's not true.” Mingyu said candidly but knew the other would not accept this. “Won, I'm serious. After that day…” He hadn't anticipated the images that flashed in his mind: the pool; the dark mass at the bottom lying concealed below the surface; the ripples of the water as he dived in realising what, or rather who it was at the bottom; the body. “After you died. I couldn't play the piano anymore. I couldn't sing. Couldn’t write. Couldn't function. I lost everything when you died.”

Hanging heavily the words carried a weight that had followed them throughout their many years of friendship. A truth they seldom acknowledged. Both of them were now circling the table.

“I wanted to let you go. To stop holding you back.”

“Who said you were holding me back?”

“I read your song. _Another form of seventeen_. Those lyrics…you said he was trapping you.” Wonwoo explained as he looked at Mingyu, his striped shirt and black cropped trousers, his puppy eyes and stained cheeks. It was hard to look away once he'd started.

“Who says it was about you?” There was a challenge in Mingyu's voice.

“You said he loved you.” Wonwoo stated as he stopped his circuit to meet Mingyu’s eyes. They were wet and tender. “Gyu, I know you knew.”

There was a pregnant pause before Mingyu finally conceded.

“I know.”

“You never said anything.” Wonwoo sighed dragging a knuckle under his eyes with such vigour it looked as though he was annoyed at his body. At how vulnerable it was making him look.

“I didn't know how to.” Mingyu croaked. “In the song, I was trying to figure out how to tell you. I couldn't escape these feelings I have for you. Yet I liked being trapped by them, by you. I didn't want you to let me go.”

The light had started to turn a subtle shade of amber as the sun dipped lower and lower in the sky edging closer to sunset. The house itself seemed to respond to the climate outside as the two Edison bulb lamps flickered on. Wonwoo had yet to say something but seemed like he was trying to process what he'd just been told.

“But you started distancing yourself from me.”

“That might have had something to do with you being hospitalised. You know, when you stopped eating, started slicing open your thighs and burning yourself.” Mingyu had not intended to sound a fronting but he had. It sounded like he was holding Wonwoo in contempt for the things he'd done to his own body. But it was fear.

Mingyu had know since they were fourteen that his best friend suffered from low self esteem, anxiety induced by his parents unrealistic expectations in regards to his academic performance and depression from the way everyone at his school treated him as the weird kids who wore baggy clothes and spectacles.

To Mingyu though, Wonwoo was his friend who was always smiling and laughing when they were together. It wasn't until he saw him lying in a hospital bed, pale and malnourished that he had realised he didn't know all that much about his next door neighbour. He'd never been that scared in his life.

Weeks past and Wonwoo gained his strength. Mingyu kept a close eye on him but kept his distance, afraid of the feelings he'd had when he thought he had lost Wonwoo. Time passed without incident and Mingyu thought he was better, thought he no longer felt down or alone. He thought that right up until the day he found Wonwoo weighted down at the bottom of his parents swimming pool.

“You had no idea. The things that went on when you weren't there.” Wonwoo hissed.

“Then you should've told me! I just wanted to be there for you!” Mingyu shouted losing his temper once more.

“Oh yeah because that would've gone down well. Oh hi Mingyu, yeah I'm not too bad thanks, just thinking of the best way to kill myself, any ideas?” There was hostility and sarcasm filling the sentences this time leaving Mingyu in momentary shock.

“You don't seem to get it.”

“Get what?” Wonwoo asked deflated.

“I would have done anything for you. Would do.” Mingyu said as he walked around till he was meters away from Wonwoo at last. Almost close enough to touch him, craving it.

“That's a lie and you know it.”

“Really? A lie?"

"Yeah you dropped me the moment you knew I was broken!"

"I was terrified because I cared so much for you even when you were _broken_!"

"YOU NEVER SHOWED ME THAT YOU FELT THAT WAY!"

"Aish, seriously? I DROWNED MYSELF TO BE WITH YOU!” Mingyu cried, a revelation that stunned Wonwoo.

“What?” Mingyu looked sheepish as he focused his eyes downwards letting them wonder over Wonwoo’s black cloth covered chest.

“I told you. I lost everything.” Mumbling Mingyu didn't notice Wonwoo’s frail hand reach between them till it was gently directing his chin up with his index finger. He searched Mingyu’s face, one so familiar and yet so different to how he remembered.

Wonwoo had not realised that upon his death he had ceased to be. Before Mingyu arrived in this strange coastal house there had been just the mist. He hadn't considered how Mingyu had gotten to be here with him, just that he was. Mingyu wouldn't lie to him about this though.

“You weren't supposed to die.”

“You weren't supposed to leave me.” Despite being younger, Mingyu was taller and when he closed the space between them, only a small step by this point, the height difference became exaggerated. Wonwoo had to crane his neck up and it was in this proximity that the feelings from before death made themselves known.

“Kim Mingyu, you held back before because you were afraid of what everyone would think.” Wonwoo said his eyes not once leaving the man he loved. “They can't get us now we’re dead.”

Smiling dumbly Mingyu shook his head in amusement despite there being little comedy in their deaths. He had always enjoyed Wonwoo’s slightly dark and morbid humour. And now finally he could do the thing he'd had both dreams and nightmares about since he sat in that hospital ward, gripping Wonwoo’s tube free hand tightly praying for him to get better. Remembering all the times they spent together from impromptu camping trips to nights in playing games he looked longingly at the boy he had literally died to be with.

Gently Mingyu pushed his lips against Wonwoo’s revelling in the satisfaction and relief that exploded from him in waves of euphoria. The world began to spin and flex, the clocks hands beginning to move once more as their lips pressed harder and faster together.

Wonwoo let his hands close hungrily around Mingyu’s arms as he steadied himself against the other, the need for contact obfuscating any initial intentions he'd had of apologising for being the cause of his best friend's death.

Mingyu was tangling his fingers ruggedly into Wonwoo’s hair, palms kneading into his neck with force that made the other tremble. For years and years, sexual tension epitomised by thousands of fleeting touches, backward hugs or longing looks, had festered between them.

Neither of them could stop.

Neither dared.

Their were worse ways to spend eternity.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope it wasn't too dark and emotional...Also if anyone has any conspiracy theories about the trailers comment them! I've spent too long scrolling through the comments for them XD


End file.
